Most people, if they were really honest with themselves are living a lie.
They’re pursuing goals that other people want for them, not that what they actually want for themselves. They’re avoiding the work they know they should be doing, and quite frankly, living too small.
In other words, they’re climbing a ladder that’s facing the wrong wall.
This personal incongruence and identity confusion leads to a lot of pain. As bestselling author, Darren Hardy has said,
“Nothing creates more stress than when our actions and behaviors aren’t congruent with our values.”
The alternative is to be at peace. To be congruent, fulfilled and living a life in harmony.
This article will explain how to get there. Here we go:
Take Total Responsibility for Everything in Your Life
“The moment you accept total responsibility for EVERYTHING in your life is the day you claim the power the change ANYTHING in your life.” -Hal Elrod
While most people are “drifting” through life, which means they haven’t taken personal responsibility for their environment or their life. They’re simply drifting with the wind and being taken wherever their circumstances may lead them.
You’ll never find fulfillment in this way.
Until you can see your personal experience wholly as your own, until you stop playing the victim to external circumstances and take full responsibility for your life, you’ll never experience the joy of congruence.
As Benjamin P. Hardy has said,
“Until you can be trusted, first by yourself, and then by others, you’ll never be who you want to be. You’ll always be living a lie. Inside, you’ll never feel clarity, congruence, or conviction.”
How you respond to the world is entirely up to you. It’s not on anyone else to find your fulfillment, it’s on you.
No longer do you need to worry about being liked or chosen; pick yourself.
No longer do you need to worry about pleasing or impressing others; impress yourself.
This how you go from stressed and worried to living a life you love. Taking personal responsibility always leads to a higher level of consciousness.
Remove Everything from Your Life That Conflicts with Your Ambitions
“If you’re truly committed to something, you will shape the circumstances which support your commitment. You’ll let go of even things you once loved, which contradict the ambitions you truly want.” -Benjamin P. Hardy
I’m not above any of this. For years I was addicted to video games. Despite knowing my behavior was contrary to my deepest held values and beliefs, I just couldn’t change.
I would delete all my games time and time again. I would vow to never return to the self I did not want to be. But it never lasted. Within days, I was always back to the games, sabotaging myself for a shot of dopamine
And sadly, this is now the norm for most people. We live in a highly addictive and stimulating world, such that if you're not careful, your life will become a wreck. Said Benjamin P. Hardy,
“In today’s fast-paced and ever-changing environment, the norm for most people is to seek short-term dopamine highs, followed by long-term internal conflict and regret.”
This is not a healthy way to live. You were not designed to be stuck in an addiction loop keeping you perpetually dissatisfied. You were designed to transcend beyond your own hardships and experience the growth.
Indeed, happiness is not what happens in the absence of challenges, but rather, the successful overcoming of said challenges.
Just remove everything from your life that conflicts with your ambitions. That includes the friends you keep, the foods you eat and the information you consume. If something does not add to your lifestyle, it will subtract from it. Wrote Benjamin Foley,
“If your lifestyle does not add to your healing, it will subtract from it.”
None of this groundbreaking stuff. It’s not hectic nor confusing, rather, it’s all very simple.
Although what’s simple in words is not always simple in practice. As Jim Rohn has said, “What’s simple to do is also simple not to do.”
When you take full responsibility for everything that happens in your life, who can you blame? Such realizations always lead to a higher level of consciousness — no longer do you need to worry about other people’s opinions.
Finally, anything in your life that does not add to your Being, will subtract from it. Be very deliberate about removing anything and everything that conflicts with your ambitions.